| Animal Jokes! |
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Why does a Koala carry its baby on its back? Because they can't push a pram up a tree!!! What do you get when you cross two elephants and a fish? A pair of swimming trunks!! Why is it easy to weigh fish? Because they always have scales! 
What do frogs drink? Croak-a-cola!! What do you get if you cross a Goldfish and a Chimp? A swim-panzee! Why do giraffes have such long necks? Because their feet smell so bad! How do whales get around? By whaleway station How do bees travel? They take the buzz What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? A woolly jumper! How do turtles communicate? By using shell-phones!! What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? Time to get a new watch! A man was leading a giraffe along the road when another man stopped him. "You need to take that giraffe to the zoo!", he said. The first man said, "We did that yesterday, but today we're going to the beach!!" 
What do you call a fish with two legs? A two-knee fish!! What's the difference between a biscuit and an elephant? Have you ever tried dipping an elephant into a cup of tea!!!! How does a dog stop watching a DVD? It presses the paws button! why didn't the worms go into Noah's Ark in an apple? Because they had to go in pairs!! What do you call a box full of duck's? Quackers! Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it! Heard about what happened to the naughty chicken at school? It got egg-spelled! Why do humming birds hum? Because they don't know the words! What's a pigs favourite karate move? A pork chop! Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So that worms can see underground!!! 
Two snakes are slithering along in the grass. One turns to the other and asks, "Are we poisonous?" "Poisonous?", said the other. "Why, we're so poisonous that just a single drop of our venom can kill a MILLION rats in seconds! Why do you ask?" "Because I just bit my tongue..." What's the difference between a jellyfish and a guitar? You can't strum a jellyfish! There were two monkeys in a bath. One said to the other, "oo oo ah ah!" The other one said, "Well, put cold water in then!" How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away its credit card! Why are fish so smart? Because they are often in schools!! A parrot took a pelican out for dinner. The only problem was... It was shocked by the size of the bill!!! What does a bee sit on? His beehind! A man takes his dog to the vet. The vet picks him up and says, "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to put him down." "Is it serious?", says the man "No, he's too heavy!!", says the vet. Why did the elephant sit on the orange? He wanted to play squash! Where do musical frogs perform? At the Sydney Hopera House! Who was a famous monkey king? Henry the Ape!! 
What animal is good at cricket? A bat! How many skunks does it take to stink a room? A phew! Who is a penguins favourite relative? Aunt Artic! What do you get if there are two monkeys and one banana? A Banana Split!!! What is the soft stuff in beetween sharks teeth? Slow swimmmers! What happens when a frog parks in a no parking space? It gets toad away! What animal goes qu-ick qu-ick? A duck with hickups!! What do you get when you cross a Cocker spaniel and a rooster? A cockerpoodledoo!! What did the frog say to his partner? "You make me so hoppy!!!" What do you call a bear with no ears? A b!! Why are frogs so happy? Because they eat what bugs them!! Why didn't the young crab and lobster share? Because they were a little shellfish! What day do fish hate? Friday! What is the strongest creature in the sea? A mussel! 
What do you call a chicken with no legs? An egg! Where do fish sleep? On a seabed! What is a rabbit's favourite music? hip hop!! What do polar bears eat for breakfast? Snow flakes! what goes "zzub zzub zzub zzub"? A bee flying backwards!! Why do gorillas have such big nostrils? Because they've big fingers!!! Where do fish get their money from? The river bank! What do you get when you cross a chicken with a tree? A woodpecker! What is a lion's favourite part of school? LUNGE! What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause! Why do birds fly South in the winter? Because it is too far to walk! Why is a mouse like hay? Because the cat'll eat it! 
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple! Yuck! What do you call two elephants in the water? A pair of swimming trunks! What's a good job for an octopus? The army! What did the black cat say to the white cat? MEOW!! What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly but a fly can't bird! Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work! what do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!! Why do fish swim in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!! 
What does a monkey say when he falls out of a tree? Ooh ooh aah aah!! What do you call a penguin in a desert? Lost!! Where do frogs hang their coats? In a croak room! Where did the turtle get a new shell? From the hard-wear store! What does a pig wear around its neck? A pigs-tie! Why can't a ladybird [ladybug] hide? Because they're always spotted! What do bugs learn in school? Moth-a-matics! What do you call a donkey with three legs? A wonky! Why is a tree like a big dog? They both have lot of bark! How many donkeys can you fit in a fire engine? Two at the front, two at the back and one at the top going eyyyyyyoooorrrrre--eeeyyyyoooorrrree What is a snake's favorite lesson? Hissstory! What would you do if you kept 200 goldfish in the bathtub and you wanted to take a bath? Blindfold them! 
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! What happened when the mouse fell into the bathtub? He came out squeaky clean! What is the best pet? Cats, because they are purrrrrrrfect! What's a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrrrrrrrple!!!!!!! What is the biggest ant in the world? An elephant!! Where do baby gorillas sleep? In apricots! Where do small rodents live? Hamsterdam! what do you call a horse that lives next door A neiggghhhhbour! Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the land they'd be called landgulls! How do you now when its raining cats and dogs? When you step in a poodle! What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Big holes all over Africa! why is the sky so high? So the birds dont bump their heads! 
What animal are you when you get out the bath? You're a little bear! Why can't you play cards in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs! What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman? Bad frost bite! What's a crocodiles favourite game? SNAP!!! What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk!!! Whats black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill! What do sick birds need? Tweetment!!! What did the cat have for breakfast? Mice Crispies! What is a frog's favourite year? A leap year! What is an owl's favourite subject? Owlgebra! What is a chickens favourite thing? A vegetarian! Heard about the mathematical genius parrot that went missing? It was a polygon! What do you call a parrot crossed with a man-eating tiger? I don't know, but when it say's he wants a cracker then give him a box full!! What do you get if you cross a parrot and a centipede? A Walkie-Talkie!! |
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